So if you are a Kissmate then most likely your significant other just returned from DEMA. If they did not make it to DEMA, don’t worry one day they will and then this will make more sense to you. Until then store it away.
DEMA happens to us every year. It is the magical place where our divers get together and talk about their adventures, their gear, their upgrades, their accomplishments, and their greatest love….no, not us….their love of diving.
DEMA is always in November and for me, that means usually it falls on my anniversary. For my husband this creates a time of stress because not going to DEMA is not an option, but leaving his wife alone on their anniversary comes with baggage. You know, the kind of baggage that just sits in the corner waiting to be unpacked at the most inconvenient times.
Of course, I am always invited to go, but it is not always that easy. If you have kids at home you get this. They cannot miss school just because you have a trip planned, and usually they are involved in extracurricular activities that have to be honored. If you have a job then you will have to use the time off to go. And if you do go most of your divers time is spent networking or going to classes. Let’s face it, as much as you support your diver, a little bit of talk about “laying new line” or “less decompression” goes a long way.
I noticed this week on social media that there were other celebrations posted from afar. There were happy birthday posts to wives that had been left behind with kids, happy anniversary posts, sorry I missed the recital posts, etc. My husband did an epic “Happy Aniversary” post and even started a day early with a hidden present in our house. From the outside looking in it probably the like a major win on his part, and it truly was, but remember that baggage in the corner that is waiting to get unpacked about choosing the DEMA over me? Let’s talk about what I did to keep that baggage from coming out this year.
In May when we scheduled his flight to Vegas and put the date in his calendar I suggested that a smart man would also put his anniversary in his calendar. See, I am no longer of the age of waiting on surprises or judging how much I am loved by what effort has been gone through. I am of the age that I know what I want so I do what I can to make it happen. In turn this means making sure my husband has our anniversary marked in his calendar. Does he love me any less by not remembering on his own? Nope, he loves me even more because he puts up with my insecurities and prideful needs. I also suggest to him which pictures of me are okay to post and remind him that posting a picture of himself having dinner with a group of girls at a nice restaurant is probably not the most appropriate thing to do on our anniversary if I am not one of those girls…..oh yeah it happened…and those were some big bags to unpack. Yes it was dive related and yes it was innocent in nature, but when you are home alone managing the house and kids sometimes you get resentful.
So I get it. And I feel you. If you looked at my social media page last week and thought “My diver doesn’t do that for me the then its because you have not show him how. Keeps the bags in the attic where they need to stay. Let him know what your insecurities are and help him to handle them appropriately. And most importantly, look at all the vendors that are at DEMA and let him know which bling he needs to bring back,…I mean if the bags do have to come out then at least they should be full of gifts!