When my bestie and I decided to join in on this “scuba” thing so that we could spend more time with our husbands we had to learn a few things in order to fit in with the “cool crowd”. Lesson No. 1 is you don’t yell out “Hey babe I need some FLIPPERS” in front of your husband and his peers. Lesson No. 2 it is a mask and not goggles and at some point someone is going to spit in it and if you squeal and say gross and rinse it out it’s just going to happen again. If you think there is any thread of dignity left in your relationship it will be tossed out the window when your partner has to help you get in the wet suit that seems to be made 3 sizes to small. Jumping up and down while he holds the sides and you pray that all the extra fluff that you have been hiding all winter will magically push up to where you really need it. Of course you will only reach this point after first putting it on backwards. And because they wont tell you this in the beginning…Lesson No. 3 Plastic Bags will keep you from running away crying hysterically because you can’t even get the stupid thing over your feet.
So you know how they say “come diving with us, it will be fun”. Please realize they are inviting you to share with them an experience they have mastered. Most likely their equipment is the perfect fit for them, they have their buoyancy down and the system waited perfectly. You on the other hand are borrowing a wetsuit, squeezing your feet into fins that are too small (because what girl wants to admit they wear a size 10) and having a group of men judge how much weight it will take to get you to sink….really.
Lesson No. 4 Be honest…tell them about your huge feet. When they are trying to figure out your weight remember this key phrase
So, if you are anxious you are going to breathe faster and air makes you float. Also the bigger the wetsuit the more weight you need and the more fluffiness you have, (yes fluff not the other F word) the more weight you need. The good news is that extra fluff will keep you warmer. When your partner is telling you to calm down because you keep bobbing like an apple and they look like they were born in the water remember, it’s not their first rodeo. Instead of thinking of all the ways you are going to kill them when you get back on dry land because they are making it look so easy, think about when you first learned to ride a bike, it took a couple of tries but it was worth it.
Lesson No. 5
BREATHE…Be still, Relax your shoulders, Enjoy your surroundings, Accept the challenge, Tackle the fear, Hold on to your buddie (if they are OK with that), and Exhale.
This picture is of myself and Lynette (office manager of KISS) when we decided we were ready to hang with the big dogs. Look closely and you can see Lynette is holding a rock because of her bobbing abilities…when you swim with the big dogs they do not worry about weight being right, they just hand you a rock to swim around with…
Lesson number 6….just take the damn rock.
And for all you KISS divers out there reading this blog….”Make sure DECO is the only time-out you’re put in”…..remember your KISSMATE.